I love access to birth control almost as much as I love using it (read: doin’ it). So when my access to contraception is impeded or threatened, I get as angry as the best of us. I applaud all attempts to end the attack on women’s right to make decisions about her own body and about her access to birth control. Well, almost all attempts.

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I feel like we (as in adults, men and women both) take for granted that we all just intuitively know how to pleasure ourselves. Most people I know, myself included, stumbled upon this great spot that felt good when I was young and just sorta figured it out. I started rubbing it, the rubbing felt good, I had my first orgasm, and I’ve been rubbing that same spot ever since with an ever increasing collection of accessories. But, what happens when you don’t stumble upon that spot and you don’t figure it out? It’s not really a part of our culture that our parents or a friend are supposed to sit us down and show us how to do it like riding a bike or balancing a check book.

I’ve been surprised over the last few years how many adult women I’ve met (I’ve yet to meet a man who hadn’t figured out how to jerk off. I’m sure he exists, though) who haven’t ever had an orgasm because they simply don’t understand how to make that happen. While I will continue to remind you that you will need to figure out your sexuality and what turns you on, I think I can at least get you started. First we need to discuss what you’re working with “down there.”

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From the article:

"You have vibrators, right?" I asked. They both tittered and teehee’d like embarrassed schoolgirls, exclaiming that, no, they did not. My girlfriend and I looked at each other, aghast. How had these young women reached adulthood without obtaining toys designed for their pleasure? I think I bought my first one when I was pretty young, around 16, but I had discovered the joys of back massagers long before that. They both claimed that they didn’t need anything like that, that they were capable of having orgasms through vaginal sex alone, to which I, in my head, called bullshit. While they may be among the small percentage of women who can, I doubt that both of them are able to, and then I got sad that perhaps they actually hadn’t ever had an orgasm. After hearing stories of the men they had dated, they didn’t seem to pick the most giving and charitable partners, so it wasn’t an assumption made with no back-up.

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Every Wednesday, a young, sex-positive couple answers all your most personal questions about sexual health, gettin’ it on, and relationships with gentle wit and a can-do attitude.

Do you have a sexy sex question for the Frisky Feminist? Need some advice? Want clarification on terms or technique? Use Persephone Magazine’s handy-dandy Ask Us! page and tell the Frisky Feminist all about it.

Every Wednesday, a young, sex-positive couple answers all your most personal questions about sexual health, gettin’ it on, and relationships with gentle wit and a can-do attitude.

Do you have a sexy sex question for the Frisky Feminist? Need some advice? Want clarification on terms or technique? Use Persephone Magazine’s handy-dandy Ask Us! page and tell the Frisky Feminist all about it.

The holidays wear thin on my mental, physical, and emotional health. Between the manufactured cheer of holiday music, the yearly “War On Christmas” campaign, maddening consumer panic that eats people alive with a manic fury, and the balls-to-the-wall work schedule that I always think I can handle (I CAN HAVE IT ALL), it’s easy to overload on giving one’s self to the point of becoming a raggedy mess. Our own Golda Porestky said it best in her recent piece, The Gift of Receiving:

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From the article:

The world shows us that it does not value women as sexual subjects in the way that female anatomy is glossed over in sex ed. Oh, sure, they teach us about our uteruses, our ovaries, our vaginas — all the parts integral for reproducing — but neglect to give names to our vulvas, our labias, our clitorises — all the parts connected to our sexual enjoyment.

We have words for women who enjoy sex. Insults. Slut: a woman who enjoys sex with many partners. Whore: a woman who exchanges sex for something in return. Dyke: a woman who enjoys sex with other women. A teacher once told me that the de rigeur insult from his childhood was, “Your sister sleeps with sailors!” A woman who takes her sex life upon herself seems to be the insult that keeps on giving.

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